Category Archives: Humor

TOP TEN: Epiphanies

  1. Light is faster than sound. Is this why some people appear bright until they speak?
  2. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  3. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  4. Evening news begins with ‘Good evening’, and then tells you why it isn’t.
  5. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  6. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
  7. Did you know that dolphins are so smart, they can train people to throw them fish?
  8. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  9. Change is inevitable, except from a voting or a vending machine.
  10. A boy asked his parents, “How much does marriage cost?”. The parents replied in unison, “We don’t know, We’re still paying.”

TOP TEN: Thoughtful one-liners

  1. War does not determine who is right, but only who is left.
  2. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  3. Good people are bad people that never get caught.
  4. Behind a successful man is his woman, and his fall is usually from another woman.
  5. We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
  6. 90% of what I worry about never happens, but that doesn’t prove worrying works.
  7. If tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the Fire Department usually uses water.
  8. If you shoot first and call what you hit the target that is called Relativism, not Truth.
  9. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
  10. If winning isn’t important, why keep score?